Tuesday, October 25, 2011

T is for Ten Commandments


Here they are, the famous Ten Commandments:

I I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of their parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.

II You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.

III Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God; you shall not do any work. . .

IV Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.

V You shall not murder.

VI Neither shall you commit adultery.

VII Neither shall you steal.

VIII Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor.

IX Neither shall you covet your neighbor’s wife.

X Neither shall you desire your neighbor’s house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

Ten simple, time-honored, Judaeo-Christian rules for living the good life; straight from God Himself; delivered, in person to Moses on Mount Sinai many years ago.

Let’s examine each of them closely to see how the Divine mind behind them operates. The first three—obviously the most important ones to God—all concern His Status. He very much wants to be the One and the Only—irrationally jealous of other gods and fearful that His Chosen People might turn to them if not threatened up front not even to think of such a thing. Would a secure God squander three out of ten rules for living a righteous life on his own pathetic ego needs? And besides, these other gods don’t actually exist, do they? And if they don’t exist, how can they deliver? So why are you so uptight Jehovah? I suspect that Moses—oops, I mean God—must have had a seriously troubled childhood to be that insecure.

Then, right after Himself, God gives second priority to parents. Even before getting around to  forbidding us to murder, steal or lie, he wants to be sure that we honor mom and dad. What’s the big hurry? Where’s the need? If parents deserve to be honored, they’ll be honored. Honor is something parents can earn all by themselves—there’s no need for God or anyone else to go around commanding it. Or maybe it was Moses’s idea put parents second, trying to get on their good side. Maybe, like many parents, his kids were giving old Moses a hard time and this was his way of putting them in their place. Parents do not need honoring—they have the money and they have the power. Children are the ones who need honoring; they’re the weak and vulnerable ones.

You can’t argue with the Fifth Commandment. Forbidding murder makes a lot of sense. But it’s kind of obvious. A better-worded commandment would say: “You shall not cause harm to other human beings or yourself.” This would include suicide, assault, and other types of physical abuse along with murder all under one big umbrella. If you’re allowed only ten, you’ve got to cover a lot of ground with each one.

“You shalt not commit adultery.” That’s simple but limited. Since we’re on the subject of sex why not include incest, rape, child-molestation and other forms of sexual abuse while we’re at it? Yet another place where a more sweeping commandment is in order. You want a commandment about marriage? What about “Honor your spouse.” Covers adultery, disrespectful treatment, nasty arguments, nagging, sarcasm and lots of other marriage-wreckers. You want one about sex? Try this: “Only consensual sex and only with adults.”

“You shall not steal.” Good Work Moses! Short and to the point.

“You shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor.” Again, it’s much too narrow. Sounds like it’s only for courtrooms. “You shall not lie” would be a lot better. But, “You shall not intentionally deceive” is better yet, because it covers not only overt lies but also sneaky silences and cleverly worded ambiguities designed to mislead. Things politicians do all the time.

That leaves commandments nine and ten. They forbid coveting and desiring. But coveting and desiring occur only in the mind. Both are completely harmless unless acted upon. Of course “desiring thy neighbor’s donkey” might lead to actually stealing it, but that’s already been forbidden by another commandment. Moses doesn’t seem to understand that actions harm people—not states of mind. You can covet my wife, or my tools, or my house, as much as you want—just don’t mess with them.

If you had any doubt, commandments nine and ten prove conclusively that the Ten Commandments are not the product of a Divine Mind. At best they come from a rather ordinary human one. No wonder old Moses always let Aaron do all the talking.

Listed below are my ten commandments. If you don’t like mine, make up ten of your own. Almost anyone can improve on the original batch.
                                                                 
                        1. Respect those who think and believe differently.
                        2. Respect the earth, the air, and the water.
                        3. Do not harm other human beings.
                        4. Honor and protect children everywhere.
                        5. Honor, respect and cherish your spouse.
                        6. Do not cause animals to suffer needlessly.
                        7. Only consensual sex and only with adults.
                        8. Do not steal.
                        9. Do not deceive or mislead others.
                      10. Help those in need.

S is for Sermon on the Mount


The Sermon on the Mount is taken to be the centerpiece of the religious teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus the Preacher stands alone, high on a mountainside, addressing a vast throng. Unless he had a PA system at his command this would not be possible. In all likelihood the Sermon on the Mount was not really delivered from the side of a mountain. Many Bible scholars take it to be a collection of Jesus’s best remembered sayings that Matthew put together in the form of a speech or sermon. But it doesn’t really matter whether these sayings were meant to form a sermon—what matters is the message of Jesus to his followers.

I will take Jesus at his word and take what he says seriously—two things most Christians refuse to do as they either turn a deaf ear to the impassioned words from a man they take to be divine or dilute what he says by referring to it as “an ideal” not meant to be lived up to.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” A cheerful notion—the poor in spirit enjoying eternal bliss in the kingdom of heaven. The poor in spirit are not going to be blamed for their lack of spirit but rewarded for it. I see no reason for anyone to object. But what about those who are rich in spirit? What do they get? Is Jesus implying that those who are rich in spirit are rewarded here and now during this earthly life while the poor in spirit will get their reward later in heaven? If that’s the case it makes more sense to be poor in spirit here and now because the payoff is heavenly bliss for eternity. Why should spiritedness matter so much? And what does it mean to be poor in spirit? Is it like clinical depression?

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” A nice thought. Who would wish to deny comfort to mourners. Most of us would prefer never to mourn and need of comforting, but mourning comes sooner or later to everyone and it’s nice to think that comfort will be forthcoming.

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” There are many meek people and no doubt some of them have inherited this or that from time to time. And besides who would want arrogant people to inherit anything? Disinherit the lot of them! But what is meant here by “the earth.” How can anyone or any type of person “inherit” it? To inherit means to take possession of or to own—as with a diamond ring or a house. The earth is a thing. As far as I know no one has ever owned it. Different nations and empires have controlled large parts of it from time to time. But no one has ever owned it outright. After 2000 years this prophecy, or wish, or whatever it is, has yet to be fulfilled. It must have some hidden, symbolic meaning. But even symbolically speaking the earth has never been ruled or owned or controlled or even influenced very much by the meek. The powerful and the arrogant and the ambitious have been in charge and have been doing a fairly lousy job. One wishes the meek would takeover for awhile, but I’m not holding my breath.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Another nice sentiment. Peacemakers are nice people. Hard to think of anyone this side of Adolph Hitler who would wish them ill. The next batch of sayings all fall into this same category. Blessings be upon nice people. Besides the Nazis, who could possibly object?

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Nice sentiment.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy. And they deserve it.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Good for them.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” This is different. A big reward—a huge reward if you believe there is such a place as the kingdom of heaven—is promised for undergoing persecution for righteousness sake. There can be no doubt what Jesus means by “righteousness” since he sees his movement as the very embodiment of righteousness.

“Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” A further step down the same road. Undergo persecution and you will get a reward. One wonders what reward is waiting for those who were reviled and persecuted and put to death by Christian zealots after the shoe moved to the other foot.

“You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has no taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.” Salt that has lost its taste is probably still good for melting snow. A mysterious saying open to many interpretations. Be who you are. Stick with what you believe.

“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under a bushel basket, but on a lamp stand. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” Do good works and glorify God and other people will take notice, be favorably impressed, and seek to join our movement. Makes a lot of sense and an excellent way for any new movement to gain converts. Obviously it worked very well given the remarkable spread of Christianity throughout the Roman Empire before Constantine. After him it was a very different story.

“Do not  think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees,
 you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Wow! Jesus is telling his followers that they must obey every one of the 613 laws the Old Testament lays down for observant Jews. And not only must Christians obey all of these commandments, but also their righteousness must “exceed that of the scribes and Pharisees” or they will denied entrance into heaven. The scribes and Pharisees were renowned for their strict adherence to the letter of the Jewish law. If we take Jesus at his word there are very, very, very, few Christians who have even a slight chance of making it into the kingdom of heaven.

“You have heard it said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder’; and ‘whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire. So when you are offering at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid your last penny.” Surely anger is not a good thing but getting angry with a brother or a sister ought not keep someone out of heaven. Saying “you fool” should not get you a one-way ticket to hell either. Clearly this is rhetorical overkill. If it’s at all true who would ever get into heaven? It must be incredibly lonely up there. One suspects that Jesus must have had some very serious arguments with his brothers.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to go into hell.” Talk about impossibly high standards! This is off the wall! If every man who “looks at a woman with lust” is equivalent to an adulterer then only blind men and homosexuals have a fighting chance of getting into heaven. And if looking with lust is just as bad as actually doing it one might as well go ahead and do it since the punishment—hell—is the same in either case. Clearly Jesus does not have even the slightest insight into the way normal, red-blooded male human beings respond to females. Not to mention the very thinly veiled suggestion that men should cut off their penis should it cause them to sin. God may have sent Jesus to the wrong planet.

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on grounds of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Given this extreme definition, adultery beyond reckoning is taking place at every hour of every day in every city, town and hamlet in every one of the fifty United States. I wonder what the punishment for all this is going to be? Will there be room ion hell for all these sinners? Or has Jesus modified his definition since that time? You Christians had better hope he’s changed his mind big time. And for those who believe in gender equality, Jesus permits divorce of the wife by the husband on the grounds of “unchastity” but not vice versa. One would expect a more even-handed view of the matter from the Son of God. Another typical male chauvinist, obsessed by fear of being cuckolded by a cheating wife. And they say Jesus never got married and never had sex.  And what about all those other grounds for divorce we have today including physical abuse, rape, abandonment, incest, and so on? Does Jesus really think none of these offenses is serious enough to provide ample grounds for divorce?

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but carry out the vows you have made to the Lord.’ But I say to you, ‘Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.” So why do we have all this sinful swearing on the Bible instead of just a simple yes and no? The “evil one” seems to gotten Christians to do his bidding. Jesus cannot be pleased.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you: ‘Do not resist an evildoer.’ But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you.” Give to everyone who begs! Refuse no one who wants to borrow? Capitalism would be impossible. Life would be impossible! We’d all be forced to lock our doors and cower in our basements to avoid all those people out there with a hand out asking for our money. And we can’t ever say no. But then we could get even with them by turning into beggars and borrowers ourselves. No Christian could refuse us. And for all those Christians who think Jews have too much money now just imagine how much more they would have if Christians handled their finances the way Jesus wants them to! Jews and atheists would all be rich beyond imagination. And we all know those crazy ideas about turning the other cheek, giving up your cloak too, and going the extra mile have never been tried anywhere. Again, Jesus must have confused human beings with much better creatures from some other solar system.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, ‘Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,’ so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. If Jesus thinks for one minute that any human being who has ever lived could measure up to his standard of perfection he’s absolutely nuts. Not even St. Francis of Assisi would make it through the pearly gates. And how hard is it to be “perfect” when you are the heavenly Father? Does God have to fight off the temptation to hate his enemies? Hell no! He can strike them dead or send them floods or plagues of locusts whenever he wants.

“Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.” All those motorists with “Jesus Saves” bumper stickers on their cars and all those football fans with “John 3:16” posters in the end zone seats are going to end up empty-handed. This is truly wonderful news. And what of those who put Christmas displays on their front lawns or who wear conspicuous religious medals or crosses?

“So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” The main thing is the reward. Jesus might have said “give alms for the sake of the poor” because it’s the right thing to do. But instead he attaches a reward to alms giving. If you need to be bribed in this way, what sort of benefactor of the poor are you? Charity is not charity when it is rewarded. And you thought making charitable donations deductible on your income tax is a good deal.

“And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But, whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Think of all those Christians who proclaim their faith to world by wearing religious medals or by walking around with ashes on their foreheads or pious bumper stickers on their cars. Not one of them will get a thing from God. But those who keep their religion completely private—in the closet, they will get a reward. This is a noble conception and Jesus deserves much credit for proclaiming it to his followers. Too bad so few of them seem ever to have ever heard it much less acted upon it.

“When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” If he knows what you need before you ask him why ask at all? Or does God just like to hear us beg from time to time?

“Pray then in this way: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors. And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one. . . . For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Forgiveness is not a bad way to operate, but holding other people accountable—and being accountable yourself—are good things too. There’s no balance here.

“And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show to others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you they have received their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who sees in secret and will reward you.” Same as with prayer, if you want to get credit where it counts you’d better do it in private.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” The only way to store up treasures in heaven is by doing, saying and thinking what Jesus wants you to do, to say and to think. In other words he’s prepared to pay you enormous dividends if you follow the straight and narrow path. It’s an elaborate system of rewards and punishments. Do what I say, you get a big reward. Do otherwise and you get zapped for eternity. Remember all you Catholics out there, Jesus never heard of purgatory. It was invented by the Medieval Church. They must have known that without it no one would ever get into heaven.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light; but if your eye is unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” The light in you. A veiled reference to the soul perhaps? Everyone is pro-light, anti-darkness.

“No one can serve two masters; for a slave will either hate the one and love the other, or be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.” More than any other people Americans believe it is possible to serve God and wealth. They stand contradicted. But Jesus didn’t know what consumerism is all about.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all of these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” The very opposite of the oft-quoted American adage “God helps those who help themselves.” Hard to believe that anyone has ever taken any of this seriously. Birds and deer and grass hoppers forage for food and they find plenty of it waiting  for them. They can’t do agriculture. Are all of us supposed to wander about in the woods looking for berries? This cannot be.

“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” It would be nice if we stopped judging one another and took care of ourselves but we do need a criminal justice system if society is going to function.

“Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.” Why will they turn and maul you? When dogs and pigs are fed food they don’t like their nomal response is to ignore it. What’s the point?

“Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father give to those who ask him?” Okay Father, I’m asking: Hows about a decent standard of living and high-quality medical care for everyone. And while you’re at, let’s have decent nursing homes for the elderly too. I asked. I’m not holding my breath.

“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.” The Golden Rule. Not original with Jesus and not as well-formulated as the lesser known Silver Rule: Do NOT do to others what you would NOT want others to do to you. Think about it. Among other things, the Golden Rule gives free reign to sexual predators; the Silver doesn’t.

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Based on the requirements described in this sermon the road to “life” is both incredibly narrow and impossibly steep.

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles? In the same way, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire, Thus you will know them by their fruits.” If only false prophets were this easy to spot. What sort of “fruits” do prophets produce? Religious prophets from Moses to Jesus to Muhammad to L. Ron Hubbard would be appalled by many of things done in their name by their so-called followers. Are these among the “fruits” Jesus is referring to or should we construe “fruits” more narrowly? Non-religious prophets suffer from the same problem: Karl Marx for example.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?’ Then I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; go away from me you evildoers.” Saying “Lord, Lord” would be much too easy but doing the will of “my Father in heaven”—as Jesus has described it here—is far beyond the capacity of any human being. And what’s all this stuff about casting out demons and deeds of power? Are we talking magic here?

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house a rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not act upon them will be like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and  the  winds  blew  and  beat  against  that  house, and it fell—and great was its fall!” Now that you’ve heard this message you’re doomed unless you believe it and act upon it. Jesus appeals to our self-interest as though we are investors looking to buy stocks. If we are prudent we’ll put all our eggs in the Christian basket. If we don’t we’re like the man who built his house on sand which will surely be washed away in the flood. What ever happened to the idea of doing good for the sake of goodness with no reward attached? Jesus is often criticized for being too idealistic. In fact he is cynical. He is trying to bribe people into doing what he says so that they will receive a heavenly payoff instead of the alternative.
 
Now when Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were astounded at his teachings, for he taught them as one having authority, and not as their scribes. Very interesting even though the sermon was almost surely not delivered to crowds the description of their reaction is suggestive. It suggests that scribes would have taught them differently—not as having authority. The crowds know that are expected to accept what Jesus has to said to them on the basis of his “authority.” If he were not an authority figure, and had tried to support his points with reasoned arguments, the way a scribe would have, his message would have fallen flat. In other words, even though what Jesus’ sermon makes no logical sense and is totally impractical—for why else would the crowds be “astounded”—they are expected to accept his teachings because he represents authority. In other words, if Jesus isn’t really the Son of God what he says can be safely ignored.

S is for Second Coming


The evidence for Jesus’ First Coming from unimpeachable, non-Christian sources is scanty. It is so scanty that it is quite possible that Jesus—i.e. a significant Jewish prophet from the time of the Emperor Tiberius—never really existed in the flesh. The best non-Christian source for Jewish history during the supposed time of Jesus of Nazareth is a Jewish general named Flavius Josephus. (When the Jews were defeated, he joined the Romans and changed his name.) His failure to even mention Jesus of Nazareth—despite mentioning some other prophets with the name Jesus (i.e., Joshua) at the exact same time—stunned early Christians. That’s why they “interpolated” a passage into Josephus’ book, The History of the Jews that corrects his account of these troubled times. The practice of “correcting” texts to (or, as George Orwell later put it:“bringing them up to date”) was quite common in antiquity. So the Christian scholars who inserted a few pages on the amazing doings of Jesus of Nazareth into Josephus’ history were not doing so maliciously. But the very fact that this “pious interpolation” (as modern scholars invariably describe it) was necessary at all strongly suggests that if Jesus of Nazareth really existed in the flesh, he was a very minor figure whose activities were easily overlooked.

From this we might well conclude that Jesus’ First Coming was irrelevant. What’s truly important, and very interesting, is how this minor figure was blown up into a Giant God who said and did all sorts of memorable things and became the epicenter of a cult that grew to embrace millions and later billions of adherents. And for this, we must first credit (or blame) Saul of Tarsus better known as Saint Paul. It was he who took the message of Jesus (whom he never met) “on the road” to Greece. It was he who, in defiance of Jesus own brother, spread the Word to non-Jews and even permitted uncircumcised men to join “The Way” as the new religion styled itself. (It adopted “Christian” from outsiders who used this derisive name to call attention to the “cultish” nature of the new religion.)

So, if the Second Coming parallels the first, it will take place “below the radar” and Jesus will disappear once more without leaving a trace. No doubt his followers will then come up with all sorts of stories of what he said and did and how miraculous it all was. And, once again, he will predict that end of the world is at hand and the last days are near. And again there will be those who believe even though they have “not seen” and again there will be skeptics whose lack of faith prevents them from seeing what is obvious to all the true believers.

And, if history is our guide, this will produce a new religion arising reinvigorated from the ashes of the old—consider Mormonism if you will.

R is for Religion


Religion frequently provides grounds for people to fight over, but if religion didn’t exist they would probably fight over something else. But would they fight as tenaciously? Religion seems to act as a catalyst for UltraViolence. When angry people believe God is on their side, and that their enemies are the enemies of God, atrocities seem to follow. Instances of this are so commonplace throughout human history there is no need to recite them here.

Overall, has religion done more harm than good? This question is impossible to answer because most of the good, and most of the harm, are like the submerged portion of an iceberg. What goes on inside other people’s heads and hearts is about as invisible as something can get. Even when people tell you how much something matters to them, or troubles them, or brings them peace of mind, you can’t be sure that their testimony is true. This has nothing to do with any conscious desire to deceive themselves or others. Often people will say what they think others want to hear, or, what is expected under the circumstances—or what they expect to hear from themselves.

So we have to deal with reports from reporters whose accuracy is impossible to assess. In a recent poll, 82% of the American people reported that God was “very important” in their lives. The figure for Western Europeans was about half as high. From this it seems indisputable that religion matters much less to contemporary Europeans than it does to Americans. Now, if only there were some way of discovering how happy Europeans are compared to Americans. But even if Europeans, on average, say they are happier—or less happy—than Americans, their happiness (or lack thereof) may have nothing to do with religion. They might be happier because many things American worry about such as educating their kids, paying their medical bills, and paying for nursing home care when they grow old, are not major sources of anxiety in Western Europe.

What would be interesting to know is the extent to which Western European institutions, culture, law, etc. are different because Europeans are less religious. It seems to me that the European rejection of the death penalty suggests that their society may be morally superior to ours. Their murder rate is also much lower. The extremes of wealth and poverty in Europe are also far less pronounced than in the United States. And Europeans have also done much more to deal with the growing danger of global warming. And most European nations also give a much higher percentage of their wealth to poor countries than do Americans. It seems to me that they come out ahead in many important areas of life. But even if they aren’t ahead, and are instead tied with the USA, that would surely suggest that our greater religiosity does not make our society superior.

Q is for Queer


Even people who’ve never read the Bible know Sodom and Gomorrah were two  ancient towns that God zapped for doing some very naughty things. The word “sodomy” has come to refer to any sexual act that cannot lead to pregnancy—especially “queer” sexual acts involving people of the same sex.

What the Bible says happened way back when in downtown Sodom is very unusual. It seems that Lot, a well-known townie, was playing host to a pair of  angels who were in Sodom for a visit. These angels must have been extremely good-looking because all the local male sex maniacs (described as “all the people” in Genesis—which makes a habit of  ignoring women and children whenever it can) surrounded Lot’s house and made a big commotion demanding the angels come outside for some hot action. (Wanting to “know” them in Bible-speak.)

This was so embarrassing and so deeply offensive to Lot that he decided to offer up his two virginal daughters to the queer rioters, hoping they would accept them as substitutes for the angels. But those filthy degenerates didn’t want young girls. They wanted the real thing—gorgeous male angels. They turned Lot’s offer down flat. Keep your virgins! Send out the angels! We want angels!

Needless to say, both angels were  male—female angels never appear in the Bible—so what we have here is an overt, highly-public, in-your-face clamor for homosexual activity. History’s first recorded Gay Riot.

The scene in Lot’s front yard convinced God that He was on the right track when He seriously considered zapping Sodom and Gomorrah a bit earlier. God had promised Abraham that He would spare Sodom if ten innocent people could be found in the entire town. But Sodom came up short. (One presumes women and children didn’t count, otherwise making it to ten would have been very easy.) When the angels did their investigation, they discovered that Lot and his family were the only decent folks living in Sodom. The entire family were ordered to leave town, pronto. But, despite God’s explicit warning not to look back, Lot’s wife stole a quick, nostalgic glance back at Sodom and was immediately turned into a pillar of salt. That’ll show you to trifle with God, you mere nameless woman!

Then God destroyed Sodom and nearby Gomorrah which was equally wicked.

This raises some peculiar questions:

(1) At one point, defending Lot, the angels strike some of the nearest perverts blind. Oddly, this seems not to have had any deterrent effect, since the others kept up their raucous demands. Why not simply blind the whole gang? Or, why didn’t the angels simply step outside and beat the shit out of the queers? Are angels sissies? Or are they simply agents provocateur?

(2) Is Lot so obtuse that he can’t figure out that the people out front are a gang of homosexuals who want men not women? How can Lot be this clueless about the gay lifestyle? Remember, everyone in Old Sodom except his own family is as queer as a three-dollar bill. Proportionately more gays than Cherry Grove in high summer, and Lot doesn’t know what the guys out front are after? He has to be a low grade moron!

(3) Why would Lot offer his sweet, young, virginal daughters, to a gang of sex maniacs out in the street, regardless of their sexual orientation. Has Lot lost his mind? Or did his horny daughters volunteer to go outside and participate in an orgy? And if they didn’t, why is Lot so eager to offer them up? Does he plan to ogle the action from his front window? Why don’t the angels intervene to save the girls? Or are they just passive hunks of male beefcake dangling from God’s hook to entice the local pervs?

(4) Why does God always go in for excessive overkill? Surely, besides all the male sex maniacs, Sodom and Gomorrah must have had some decent womenfolk and lots of innocent children. But all of them get zapped too! What did they do to deserve this fate? This is much worse than guilt by association—it’s guilt by proximity. What’s known as “collateral damage” by the bully boys in the Pentagon.

(5) Finally, consider the case of the nameless Mrs. Lot: Her day was already ruined when God decides she needs one more calamity to even the score. First, these other-worldly beautiful angels drop in unexpectedly. Second, there’s a Gay Sex Riot out on the front lawn while she’s trying to fix dinner. Third, to cool off the rioters, her wacko husband offers up their daughters for a street orgy. Fourth, the whole family has to leave town in a hurry without so much as saying good-bye to the neighbors or packing up their stuff. Then, after all this, Mrs. Lot takes one itsy-bitsy peek over her shoulder, for which she’s turned into a pillar of salt. One suspects this is not a reversible condition. Tough luck lady! Now the idiotic Lot may very well deserve to lose his wife as a punishment. But what about the poor daughters—they need their mother to protect them from their nitwit father. The proof: The next thing the girls do is get their Old Man drunk and taking turns having sex with him. And he manages to get both of them pregnant on the first try! Nothing like a little Divinely Assisted Incest to carry on the family name. One wonders what Mrs. Lot would have said. Maybe that explains why she had to be pillarized.

(6) Why doesn’t God simply zap the queer sex maniacs surrounding the house? Or, at the very least, order his angels to go out front and beat the crap out of them? Either action would have ended the entire incident. All the innocent women and children of Sodom and Gomorrah would have been spared. Furthermore, Lot would not have made a complete fool of himself. Nor would he have lost his wife. He might not have been tricked into engaging in incest either. If you’re God, and you’re going to intervene eventually, why not do so in a timely and effective manner so as to do the least possible harm? Unlike us mortals, God is supposed to be able to see around the next corner. He had to have known from the get-go Very Bad Stuff was going to happen that day in Sodom.

(7) Clearly, the Sodom and Gomorrah story is crudely contrived. In it God—a fictional character in a Very Old Book—zaps two towns, thus making a very strong and unforgettable statement against male homosexuality. Or, at the very least, against sex between men and male angels. The men who wrote the Bible obviously believed that homosexuality was an extremely depraved choice—an abomination, if you will. But, even if homosexuality is a choice, do those who exercise this choice deserve the death penalty? Aren’t sexually transmitted diseases, social ostracism and being called “queer” sufficient punishment?

(8) And finally, what about Gomorrah—the guilt-by-proximity town? What went on there? Just more garden variety sodomy or something really unspeakable—something that even the authors of the Bible hesitated to mention. Maybe it was sex with critters. We know it couldn’t have been father-daughter incest—under the right circumstances, God thinks that’s okay.